- World championship
Read the race report from the World 12 Hour Championships in November 2017. It involves a Mexican food disaster, lots of riders way more talented than I am, and even Jesus Christ makes an appearance.
…there’s something about the consistency and extremity of the desert that puts me at ease. It’s kind of like the ambient music that massage therapists put on; no one is going to jam out to it, its attraction is that it isn’t going to distract you from whatever other thing you’re focused on with the crescendo of a rainstorm or the rocking baseline of a bunch of beautiful trees. I like the desert.
- Disney freak and Disney repris
I run the Dumbo Double Dare in September 2017 and geek out on why I love Disney so much. It’s not why you think…
Every time I’ve been to a Disney park as an adult, I’ve spent the entire time wandering around, mouth agape at their seamless logistics and attention to detail. The illusion of a perfect alternate reality is so flawless, that the crackpots mentioned above flee to the parks to escape a world that includes rape, wars, and skid marks on your underwear. In the nasty butt crack of southeast LA county (arguably the skid mark of California’s underwear), Disney has created a small oasis where everyone is smiling, and a day of standing in long lines surrounded by stressed out families and overstimulated kids is an enjoyable experience.
- Hipster AF
I ride 50 miles over some not so insignificant hills on a fixed gear bike because my road bike is traveling.
“Hang on, you didn’t tell me that there’d be marzipan!” I said. I have this thing for marzipan. I think it’s just the most delicious thing in the world (tied maybe with frosting), and like to pinch globs of it off a roll and eat it plain. I fucking love marzipan more than Oprah loves bread. “I do have a bike…” I told Tom. “But it’s my fixie that I use to ride to work. Do you think there will be hills?”
- Lifting weights is better than Cardio for weight loss
Spoiler: it’s not. Here I go into a rant about weights vs. cardio and the reasons why each is supposed to help you lose weight… and why neither one really does.
It is also difficult for a trainer to land on the correct load that will produce true failure between 8 and 12 (preferably 10) reps. Instead, 10 reps becomes like a contract: you reach 10 and stop before you have reached the level of intensity that will truly build muscle (you have fulfilled your side of the contract), or your trainer picks a weight that is too heavy, you can’t fulfil your end of the contract, and so they pick something that is too light so that you can finish with a feeling of success and easily reach your contractual obligation of 10 reps… and then don’t give your muscles the stimulus they need to grow.
- You can run faster by lifting weights
Here I explore another workout misunderstanding (pronounced “mythunderstanding”).
A lot of runners, and running coaches, and running authors think that if muscles are imbalanced or underactive, all one has to do is strengthen the underactive musce (or the antagonist muscle to the overactive muscle), and voilá you will be fixed.
Here’s what happened when I ran 30K (18.6 miles) per [week]day for 30 days to celebrate my 30th birthday.
What happened was that I got faster, and for the first time in my underwhelming 16-year-long running career, I felt like a runner.
- Six-pack abs: It’s not just leanness, smartass
I explore the rare and illusive six-pack and what you have to do to get it.
If you really want to build a washboard stomach that looks like a chocolate bar, you’ve got to go for the advanced shit that pits you against gravity, or loads your abs up with lactic acid like a squat or a bench press does.
- Starbucks, please sponsor my blaaaaaarrrrggg!
Race report from the 2011 Rhodes Race. I run a 5K for charity and wind up running so hard I puke my guts up. This is not even the only time I will puke at this race. This race report includes several repetitions of the word, “BLAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGG!”
- We’re in Ohio
The race report from the 2010 Calvin’s Challenge (a 12 hour race). I won, but it rained so hard I wound up completely destroying a hub. There are also many pictures of me looking so young!
Now that I was by myself, I could set my mind to more important matters. I had to pee. I knew that since I was soaked, if I stopped for too long I would get cold and it would be impossible to warm up again, so I figured I’d just pee all over myself on the bike.
- Where the hell did THAT come from?!?!
The first time I tried the performance enhancing effects of rest. I didn’t care much for it.
- Well you’re ugly
I do a turkey trot in Salem, MA in 2008 and get physical at the finish line with a fine specimen of Boston townie trash. This post is wicked Boston.
About a block from the finish, though, a woman passed me… It was the bitch from the start: Number 1 Red Sox Fan!!! Like hell you’re passing me! I thought. I still had a lot more speed in me, and I was going to use it, I was going to beat her, and then I was going to puke all over her at the finish.
This is one of my favorite posts of all time. Lobsterman Olympic distance triathlon in 2008 was the culmination of my summer-long rivalry with Big Red. I had so much fun writing this post, and Red and I still talk about it all these years later. It’s a shame few of the images survived.
Finally, at about mile 13 I found her. I reeled her in, and as I passed her I yelled, “Get out of the way, Anne!” She cheered and I meant to yell something encouraging back, but she was already gone when I thought of something to say. To hear her tell it, she could see me for awhile afterwards, but that was a relatively flat stretch of road with no turns in it. I was gone.
- Murphy’s law
This was the race report from Vineman in 2008, my first iron distance triathlon. It was not a fun day. It was hot, and I got hit by a car.
- A race report all about pee
This was the race report from the 2008 Patriot Half Ironman triathlon. It was one of my proudest athletic performance days, and another one of my favorite reports to write.
- I will not be ignored
I used to have this rival… It wasn’t very polite, but she really pushed my buttons.
- In the mountains no one can hear you scream
This was my very first ride on my very first carbon bike. It was a tougher day than I was ready for, and it involves a lot of stomach distress and getting so lost that I hit a Canadian border patrol checkpoint.
- On the subject of volume
People have been accusing me of overtraining for years. In May of 2008 I got sick of it and wrote this response.